“…Can’t Stop Thinking…!! Arg!!”

Now, this can seriously ‘just’ be me…

…But-I think I may have a real problem….

That is…. amongst an already ‘ginormous’ pre-existing grocery list of issues (that at least I can come clean about it, ya jerk!) :p

No, but in all seriousness, I really think I have this like.. I don’t know ‘head issue’ or something.

…. What I mean to say and admit is that I just can’t seem to ‘flip off the ‘ON’ switch’!!

I mean, during the day, most of the time, I feel like I’m on cruise control or something—Auto Pilot for some of you ol’ fogies who still drive your 1975 Buicks and sht..

I’m there, but not really there—if you get what I’m saying.

Maybe it’s because I feel that giving a sht about any of the below listed enough to either:

a)      Reciprocate (as in respond back to a general greeting for instance in a store, like “Hello, how are you?” which normally just ends in me either pretending I didn't see or hear you, or nodding like a foreigner who just doesn't know wtf you just said or did to me)

b)      Talk back (because what you may have said either didn't make sense or was wrong and thereby needed some form of correction)

OR…

c)       Reject your existence entirely (because I’m not sure in what universe you seem to ‘think’ I so much as give a sht--even remotely, what you did last night, on your weekend, your birthday, someone else’s birthday or party (because ‘some’ of us still look for social acceptance and validation in their lives ‘beyond’ high school), your booger nosed child’s 1^st, 2^nd, 5^th, and forever more birthdays, what you bought on sale at whatever store I clearly wouldn’t shop at, and only but another million other things that if I’m not directly involved in……I DON’T FKN CARE!  *hyperventilates and minor asthmatic wheeze makes for some awkward yet interesting background music*)

…it all just exerts too much goddamn ENERGY. 

…Energy that isn’t a renewable resource for me and therefore will not just be wastefully wielded over to you, under any circumstance. 

So, what ends up happening is that I just float about and around this earth like a ghost with unfinished business or something.   My mind is like ‘on’, but on the longest fkn lunch break evar. 
Get it? Got it? Good.

---

So, now that you’ve a clear understanding of how my mind works during the day (or to be more accurately described, as a lack thereof), somebody please explain to me why it suddenly decides to turn on as the night progresses and the rest of the world is turning in (Note:  I’m not referring to you overseas btches, okay?? For the sole purpose of this post, let’s just pretend everyone sleeps when I see darkness outside to make my story easier to follow, alright?!)??

Back to what I was rambling on about, why do all my thoughts suddenly begin racing at night?!?!

It’s like ideas somehow magically begin to bubble and surface, or thoughts of things I’ve done, do and will do or will want to do, or should do start to do, overtake me like a fkn parasite! 
(Unrelated A.D.D. side note, has anyone here ever seen the tv series: Monsters Inside of Me??? It’s a great fkn show, I swear… That is, if you’re into sht unknowingly penetrating your body at any given moment and living in there as sleeper parasites until they’re pretty much ready to take you down aaaannndddd yeah, basically kill you… if you’re into ‘that’ sort of stuff, then seriously… You NEED to watch it!!—Maybe then people infatuated with singing about monsters, like Rihanna and Eminem will learn to get a better grip on what it really means to have monsters inside of them…hahaha…if only…lol ...Anyway….)

I mean, take this for instance…

I got the idea to rant about my inability to fall asleep late at night (day before yesterday considering it’s WAAAAAYYYYY past midnight again right at this moment) because I was getting frustrated with waking up in intervals of 5, 10, 15 (you get the picture) minutes each time I ended up dozing off.  It’s like the friggin SNOOZE option you just can’t fkn turn off inside of you!!

The following morning, after Yoga, I tried to draft my thoughts (while it was still day, DUHHHH) and of course unsurprisingly, I was unable to type up anything because my mind was just fkn pudding! (Not EVEN the yummy kind… I’m talking like hospital-day-after-a-surgery-sht pudding.)

Eventually, I got pssed and told my fkn laptop where to go (because somehow we all know it’s ‘his’ fault).  I mean, he totally asked for it too, that good for nothing piece of sht… constantly lagging on me and freezing up like he’s trying to drop a mix tape.

I fully warned that mothrfkr to start typing up my blog or at least give me some inspiration, but the little sht didn’t waver at my threats!

So… with a great deal of inner strength, I sneakily hovered on over to his ears (le mic) and whispered in the most evil voice ever…. “If you don’t smarten up, I’ll have no choice but to cut you off life support….” But the son of btch remained still and unalarmed—So, I pulled that plug right outta the outlet (NO HESITATIONS, mang!!) and since my laptop battery hasn’t worked since the latest recession began, the little mofo died!!!!!  HAHAHAHAHHAA

DEADLY FKN BRUTALITY!!!!  
*Mortal Kombat style, btch!!* 

Anyway, I ended up getting pwned bc I didn’t actually end up saving the fkn file I was drafting prior to pulling the goddamn plug—so the joke is on me………. *looks down discouragingly and kicks dog because I’m not outside right now and a pebble is just nowhere to be found……….*(‘Sorry’, Baby… ßDog’s Name, because I’m so creative.)

I had to re-write this bs blog post AGAIN and I’m going to go with: the ‘original’ was MUCH better if this one sucks to read.. Too fkn bad.
YOU go try and do a double take on something and see if your sht is better or worse.  Chances are it’ll be worse, because you’d be too fkn angry to think straight and allow your true thoughts on whatever you’re blabbing on about, come to fruition.

Now, take this and go.

Ooooo!!! OooOoOOOOooOoooOO!!!!

If you’ve learnt any techniques or whatever to get you to sleep when we’re supposed to, PLEASE do tell  and share with me the ways because like a goddamn cancer, the carry-on sized bags that used to decorate my  under eye like a horrible makeup artist with year around ‘smokies’, have metastasized into full blown luggage suitcases!

Sincerely,

The Angry Sleep Deprived Soul

That is all .  YUP.