Workplace Garbage: Part 1

Now, I hate to be a total btch about the workplace, but I feel there’s just a load of horsesht that almost all of us blue collars have to put up with on the regular.

These short little posts every week or so (and by this, I mean, whenever I get pssed badly about something enough to exert it on the keyboard in front of me, usefully…and when I’m not battling off laziness), will be dedicated to all the random bull we go through during the dreadful 9 to 5 (HI FIVE!!). 

Hopefully some of you will be able to relate to some of this garbage and if not—then fk you, because I do, and if you’re not suffering with me…..then…..you MUST be the en-eeeemmm-eeeeee!!!! 

So go stand over there in the corner with all the other narcissistic jerks offs of the joy-luck-club.  Heh heh heh…….

Anyway…Seriously though... as the holidays and Christmas are nearing, I understand the concept of people wanting to be cheerful, giving and sht. 

Toys, food, donations….pretty much all the sht I can barely even do for myself leisurely because unlike a small percentage of the population that fart dollars, I happen to get paid in peanuts and sunflower seeds—NOT EVEN SMILES!! (eerrrrbody all be like cranky and sht and like, rightfully so, no??)

Would you be happy living like this???

If the cost of living and gas prices inflate any quicker than my paycheck being deposited and picked up like a hooker on Black Friday within a blink of an eye, I swear!! I’m going to be rocking me a hot moomoo and jesus sandals purrrrty darn soon…. . call it some archaically retro avant-garde chic!! 

Sexy imagery working for you there, eh? Lol  hahaha What can I say? I’m a woman to love …. Haha ha haaaaa…. 

Anyway…                            

                                                                                      

The point I’m making here, is that I ‘get’ all the goodness these acts of kindness are ‘supposed’ to mean.  That isn’t my problem.

The part I’m btching about is why the fkn hell are you ENFORCING that I be all loving and kind for these stupid contests you make up in the office place, where like each manager will have their team of puppets and pawns sell their souls--JUST so they can not only be rewarded with A SLICE of shtty and cold $5 pizza, but also to enjoy the brink of an emotionally surging boost of a new defined level of hatred for their managers who will likely be partying up their larger than life ‘bonuses’ that THEY WILL NEVER  EVEN SEE. 

Do we look like idiots that’ll allow you to use and abuse us like this??? (I’m sure that statement is debatable for some.. and if you fall in that category, don’t worry, I’m sure your mother, grams and Jesus still love you regardless, so get over it).

Seriously speaking here, how’s that for workplace hierarchy, right?? 

Wrong.

Sorry to break it to you though… The Matrix was a fkn movie and I see through all the bullsht... Morpheus shade style—fk the pills.  Thanks.

I can’t be bothered to do something that ruins the true meaning of the holiday spirit and giving just so you can ‘up’ your own status; as a manager who has an awesome team of sht eaters, while the image of whatever company these buffoons work for earn better bragging rights across the board and their competitors, is not really my cup of tea.

Since when do I have to donate money or do something good for a cause ONLY through work and thus under the name and image of ‘company X’???

I’m sorry—But you need another 1 million peanuts, 700,000 ‘salted’ sunflower seeds, the blood of your first born and 12 Jehovah witnesses before I can openly and charismatically prance up to the opportunity to do so, when you so threateningly breathe down my neck every goddamn day, TRYING to ‘pressure’ me into making a donation, because like a zit on the tip of your nose, I am that 1% participant remaining prick pending completion of this stupid office contest you guys run every frickin year, who will ONCE AGAIN keep you from that bonus that we shall now BOTH NEVER SEE..!!!! MOOHAHAHAHAHA

It is an ingenious act of valor on behalf of the other sad little people I work amongst.  Like a fkn pink Robin Hood, yo. 

Anyways, all I’m saying is it’s called a ‘DONATION’ for a fkn reason.  (FTR, I do a fair share of giving back to the community. But this is on my own terms and under my OWN name and heart.)

If you think it’s directly linked to my workplace presence and ‘personal brand’ that will now be judged as lacking… then perhaps prior to hiring a new employee, part of the job role should state (in bold, 72. Pt, IMPACT font), that I AM REQUIRED (underlined) to partake in this sht every year, alongside any and all the other crummy outside of workplace get-togethers some wallflower troll plans because they HAVE NO FRIENDS OR SOCIAL LIFE OUTSIDE OF THE OFFICE, so like pokemon, they try and capture all the other poor souls in their shttily disguised pokeballs to pull out whenever they get lonely and want people to drink, eat or watch a movie with while using ‘workplace spirit’ as their blunt weapon line of defense.  Bloody pathetic.

I can seriously go off on a tangent about this because I don’t believe I have to sign my soul away to do everything these tards want of me. 


Doing my job, I come and go, if you want something badly to do as they’re told, admire you and shower you and treat you like gold, just get a fkn puppy already.

The end.

That is all .  YUP .